AES 39: Set n rise

Eye contact seems a little hard today. Trying to hide the eyes that tell the truth of what the heart is feeling. My mind was all over the place just because of what I felt. I felt mad, sad, scared yet at the same time I felt guilty for feeling that way. 

Why? 

Why is the question I first asked myself. Why did this happen? Why do I feel like this? Why do I feel guilty? Why? It took me a long time to figure out the answer to those questions. Thinking that I would get hated just because I need validation and need the answers to those questions. Was it wrong? no, but does it feel wrong? yes. My mind became blank, my face went numb and my heart started to sink slowly thinking that I'm the worst person on the planet for being emotional to the little things that matter. 

Sitting down and making eye contact was really hard. I tried to hold back my tears but I failed. I hate how I feel really unappreciated, I hate how it feels like I’m invisible, I hate how you don't consider my feelings, I hate how I feel hatred towards you. Those words were the words that have been sealed shut so that the world doesn't hurt anymore than it already did before. It finally came out, I finally had the courage to put my feelings first and tell the world about how I felt. The world accepted it with a smile, when I for sure knew that it's heart was aching because of the things that I have said. I cried not because the feelings I felt deep down but because I felt guilty. 

The world made sure that I was okay. The world reassured my feelings and gave answers to all of the questions I have been asking in my head. The world was what I needed this whole time. From being too scared to talk to feeling comfortable expressing my feelings. Choosing the right words to talk really does matter and taking care of the small things also is important. The world managed to understand that. 

Set n rise was filled with a journey of emotions—denial, anger, bargaining, and finally acceptance and laughter. Each stage serves a purpose, a necessary step on the path to coming to terms with what is.