AES35 Smiling

As weird as it sounds but I just have a hard time smiling. Why? Well because I feel like Im just so confused with what is happiness. Even to this day, I can’t define what is happiness. As a child I feel like people always expect kids to be happy beings, meanwhile, my life wasn’t so good in some times and I didn’t feel like smiling. But the expectation that I should be smiling all the time, and I have to be happy and okay all the time can really be exhausting. 

I also have this really intimidating face, like I just look like Im always mad at something. When Im focused or like im going my homework I look like Im going to punch someone in the face. That’s why I think people assume that smiling is just not my thing. I also have huge eye bags, and when I smile you can really see how big my eyebags are. It really makes me feel insecure. 

I never really felt like I looked good when I smile because the center of attention when I smile is my huge eye bags. It just makes me feel so anxious, because I feel like people are judging my eyebags in their head. Until one day, one of my friends Lula took a picture of me smiling. And she said that I look beautiful when I smile. I didn’t believe her until I saw the picture, that was like the first time I felt beautiful when Im smiling. 

Now Im learning to just smile, to care less about how I look when Im smiling but to focus to live the moment. To feel the joy inside of me when im just genuinely happy. 

And that is the picture Lula took. I can just feel the joy by just looking at it.