AES111 Am I Missing Out?

Im so scared that Im missing out, I just see everyone seems to be having much more fun and they’re living a better life than me. I just feel like everyone knows how to have fun and to make that happiness in them last, whereas on the other hand Im just constantly having an existential crisis, I can’t even define what happiness is to me. I don’t fit in the teenage dream lifestyle, and Im scared that I’ll miss out on things that everyone else is experiencing. 

Altho I don’t really worry much about fitting in, Im quite used to not fitting in. But I do fear not living life to its whole, and you do feel weird when everyone is doing something and you’re not. Most of the time I don’t even want to experience that thing, but why? I don’t know, and that is why I feel broken like I’ve come from a different planet from people my age. 

The whole “you’re so much more mature than people your age” thing also doesn't help with this crisis im having. I do tend to freak people out with my thoughts, it feels like I've skipped so many stages that I should have experienced. But instead, life kinda hits me really hard and I just had to mature fast and be this responsible kid, I didn’t really have much of a choice. On the other hand, I am also super grateful for my being “mature” because I've experienced things that so many others don’t therefore I can have a bigger scope of mindset. 

I thought this was an issue of the past, me freaking out about not feeling my age. But every once in a while, I will always freak out. How something that I am grateful for and is one of my biggest strengths can cause me so much anxiety. I am not a go-to-the-flow person, but in this case, I don’t really have an option, I have to go with the flow.