AES26 Anxiety and Perspective

TW: mention of mental illness and trauma

Omg like, I think I will never stop talking about my anxiety. Because like it's so crazy it's like a never-ending journey. Like I will worry about the smallest things ever and I literally hate how Im like so anxious over almost everything and anything. I could just be eating and I will get a thought that everyone in my life secretly hates me and doesn't care about me and that they don’t actually like me because I'm annoying and dramatic. It’s really shocking for me like omg just let me eat why did what just popped in my head out of the blue. 

My anxiety is like this monster that in me, like my anxiety will out of the blue say “arent you like worried?”. And Im just like “No why would I be worried?” and my anxiety will be like “Don’t you think your such a failure for getting a 30% score for your maths exam when you were 9” and I will be like “Omg you have a point, that’s really depressing. What if my mom secretly hates me for that.” I always fail to block those anxious thoughts from my head. I will just think about that and I will cry and feel guilty about it. Isn’t that exhausting? Yes, it really is and Im still trying to control my anxiety but yeah it’s complicated. 

Anxiety is not rational like people literally call me dumb when I tell them what Im anxious about. I mean yeah I think it’s dumb also but I don’t get why is it so hard to let go of those thoughts when it’s literally so stupid. Like I don’t think my mom even remembers that I got a 30% on my math exam.

What really helps me is looking at the bigger picture. Sure okay if I need a mental breakdown to solve this, I will cry about how I failed to do the math when I was 9. But then I will think, I went through that and whatever it is I will get through it or I have to get through it. I know how many crazy things I’ve experienced as a child, and I went through that, and Im still alive living life. Anxiety kinda works as a magnifying glass, Im just like it looks so big. But I need a moment to remove that magnifying glass I will see that it isn’t a big deal. 

When Im anxious I just literally forget how strong and how capable I am. And that most of the things we worrying about don’t happen. People who don’t struggle with this will literally laugh at me when I share my story but for me, it’s true. I also like to remind myself that Im one person in a world of billions of people. And that Im not alone, Im part of this bigger picture. People out there are doing more crazy things compared to me. I need to give myself space to be a human being and make mistakes, and literally, no one even remembers how bad I am at math or my 6th-grade skin breakout. I mean like people have their own issues. 

The only way to my your life better is just to put things into perspective. We just put so much weight on these small things in our day-to-day life, it doesn’t really matter, and sometimes it’s not really real.  So sometimes you just need to take a step back and just think about it, even just talking about it makes it better. Even just talking to yourself. 

So for everyone, that’s struggling with anxiety I know you are capable and everything is gonna be okay. You are bigger than your anxiety, and you will get through this. And you are enough, and you deserve to be loved. I'm sorry if you experience something awful in the past, but it will be okay.  You will be okay, I will be okay. We will be okay

picture: https://id.pinterest.com/pin/277534395776412571/