AES71 Relationships

So today I wanted to talk about relationships. Now I've been seeing my friends on Instagram and most of them,  they're like in a relationship. Personally, I've never been into a relationship my whole life and I have mixed opinions about relationships.  Because in one side relationships, dating, and marriage it seems so horrifying for me. Because maybe most of the representation of relationships in my life kind of fail in a way so I think that all relationships are going to end in that specific way.  Especially looking at my parent’s marriage you know it didn't work and it really scares me you know. 

 I saw my friend with his girlfriend on Instagram and I was like oh my God that's kind of cute you know. I asked myself like do I  want a relationship I mean it seems very interesting but also it's really scary for me. I think I have written something about this before where I have this hyper-independent mind and the thought of a relationship doesn't go well with my idea of being independent. 

I mean I know that I am just 15 years old like I don't have an issue with me being alone like at this age I think that's so normal and so okay.  But sometimes it came across my mind what about the future, am I going to end up being an old lady that lives with 5 of her dogs. I mean there's nothing wrong with that I think old ladies with 5 dogs sound fantastic you know, but I wonder is that what I actually want? 

I tried talking to several people's about this,  and most of them told me that I will like grow out of this phase of me obsessing over being independent.  On the other hand, I don't think I could stop being independent because I feel like it's just injected deeply in my brain and in my cells even in my neurons. 

Other than my hyper Independence, I also have serious trust issues, especially with men. So I get horrified because I've had so many bad experiences with men,  and it makes me really scared.  I know many women in my life that are divorced and I know they don't have great husbands. Im scared that history will repeat itself in my life. 

Also being a feminist is hard in this context, because I know there’s a lot of gender roles in relationships. I almost always see a man thinking that his female partner is less than him. I find that very disturbing. I just don’t want to put the risk out there, id rather be alone but I would have my heart safe. It’s really complicated and I kinda feel relieved after writing this. 

I hope this doesn’t offend anyone, these are just my personal opinions and I totally respect people and their life choices <3

picture:https://id.pinterest.com/pin/1688918602070179/