AES83 My Younger Self

Lately, I’ve been thinking about my younger self, and I felt really bad for her. I disliked myself as a child, I thought I was so dramatic, annoying, and I didn’t see value in myself. But now looking back from a perspective of a 15-year-old, I love her so much, I think she is just the sweetest little girl. I really feel bad for the amount of manipulation and gaslight that I received to get to the point of hating myself. 

When I think about her, this one sentence came across my mind “if only she knew”. And it’s true if only she knew the truth about herself and that there was nothing wrong with her, the situation was wrong, not her. If she knew that failing a math exam isnt really a big deal and that she shouldn’t define herself with numbers. Sometimes I really wish to give that little girl the biggest hug and to tell her everything is going to be okay. 

It really breaks my heart how she always tried her best and things weren’t just doing it for her.  Even worst when I knew she did her best and people still have the audacity to tell her “you didn’t try hard enough”. I always feel like she’s still a part of me and will always be a part of me. And one of my visions is to make her proud. If she was here with me, I want to be someone that she can trust and that she can look up to. I think that why I always wanted to be a therapist is because I want to show people that I believe them and that their feelings are valid. 

To my younger self, thank you for everything. You did your best and for me, that’s all that matters. You are special and enough, I love you dearly. 

picture: https://id.pinterest.com/pin/25684660365957936/