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50 tulisan

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AES 38: this was the year?

This was the year I didn't see coming the one that shook me out of complacency. When I learned to stop being compliant, to demand what was rightfully mine, refuse to settle for anything less than what I deserved. I lost patience with small talk, fell in love with midnight conversations. I crossed d…

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AES 37: It Feels Like Home

In the morning, I entered the SMP area with a nervous feeling because today was the day we had all been waiting for—the day of the ceremony. I was assigned to the front row of the choir. My heart was pounding because I was worried that our singing tempo might be too fast compared to the background…

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AES 36 : Ballerina in a music box

I disappeared for a while. Parts of me are still gone. Maybe they always will be. No one really noticed anyway. But I did. I still do. I miss myself; the me that did not back down from anything. A lot of years went by and I just watched, like there was always time. I was frozen in my self preservat…

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AES 35: Personally

Whatever happens around you, don't take it personally. Nothing other people do is because of you. It is because of themselves. Even when a situation seems so personal, it has nothing to do with you. What they say, what they do, and the opinions they give are projections of their own internal though…

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AES 34: Glass Pane

Why do our minds and bodies start to feel unreal and the world starts to feel like there's a glass pane between ourselves and it? Times where I felt like I'm not really in my body. Feeling like I'm simply a vessel in an empty soul. I'm missing huge chunks of my life, I feel so unreal. I started to…

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AES 33: Silly Dream

Three years ago today, I attended my first dance class. I walked into that dance studio feeling nervous, afraid that I wouldn't fit in with the other dancers because I was the most inexperienced person there. I wore a pink leotard with a matching pink skirt and cream-colored tights. I had big dream…

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AES 32: you're allowing it

Your attitude is what determines your day. Lifeis 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it. The small things in life don't need to be worried and stressed about so much. The Alarm can be fixed. The tire can be replaced. The Coffee can be refilled. The parking ticket can be paid. The keys…

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AES 31: being a little too much

I have tried to abandon who I am at this moment in time. I tried to act heartless, a little less sensitive, more careless. I thought if I do such a thing, I will never get hurt, that I won't feel the heaviness of missing them. I tried to mould myself into a heartless block of ice. No amount of fire…

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AES 30: ???

"When you say you're 'working on' yourself, what do you mean? Because if it's continuing the same routine that you've had for years in hope that you'll find what you're looking for within then you're doing it all wrong. If you're working on yourself then truly work on yourself. Start a journal. Beg…

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AES 29: Changes are scary

We yearn for connection, yet isolate ourselves. We seek love, but fear loss. We dream for someday, instead of trying for today. We want change, but don't want to change. We over-consume, then wonder why there's no space to create. We love the ocean, yet buy plastic. We advocate for education, then…

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AES 28: Its okay to be who you are with me pt.2

But sometimes, sometimes people come into our lives and they love us like hurricanes filling our hearts with tempered squalls of doubt and dishonesty, their actions clouding our minds with the blackened blues and grays of questioning our hearts, of questioning our worth, or questioning if we love t…

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AES 27 : It's okay to be who you are with me

We want to protect the people we fall in love with. We want to nurture them and hold them where they are their most tender; we want to make sure that they know we are not revolted by their broken pieces, that we do not recoil at their damage. We want to hold it all, we want to whisper into the crac…

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